I'm going to Hell

I'm a first time buyer, and my girlfriend fiancee and I are buying an apartment together. It's very nice, quite large, in a nice area of York, close to public transport and handled by a bunch of idiots. It's unbelievable how people can't even spell her name! Vivca Vivika Vizika Vivien? No you dumbasses.

I've also discovered the curious and amazing world of Hidden Charges. Most of them we didn't even get told about until suddenly they needed paying. I'm sure some of them are made up:

1. Conveyancy Fees
2. Valuation Fees
3. Arrangement Fees
4. Imaginary Fees
5. Massive Rape Fees

That's right, MASSIVE RAPE FEES. We literally have no money, that's why we're doing a first-time buyer deal in the first place. You'd think they'd realise this. We're pretty sure most of it is them fucking up, but in the end we're probably going to get blamed for not signing on time after having to get the contract changed 500 million times.