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Monday, January 14, 2008 

Top 5 Comebacks

Everyone needs a little box of comebacks, for those times when people just hurl abuse at you, like at breakfast. At times like that your sanity relies on you being able to whip out an appropriate put down which will silence your assailant. This is especially important when your a kid. I went to a boarding school and bullying was so common it was just a way of life. Everyone was a bully, including me, it just depended how good you were at it.

The bullying wasn't as important as your counter, or as we referred to it 'banter'. You had to have a comeback ready, and if you weren't quick enough to come up with one to suit the occasion, you used one of the many standard retorts:

1. So's your face.
2. I am rubber, you are glue.
3. That's what your (girlfriend/Dad/Mum/Sister/Dog) said.
4. A 'Your Momma' joke.
5. Your Mum's dead.

A lot of the time we just insulted each other to say hello, so a good your momma joke was an appropriate response. However if someone really pissed you off you could use 'Your Mum's Dead'. This was the childhood equivalent of the modern nuclear weapon, mutually assured destruction. The 'Your Mum's Dead' answer could be taken one of two ways: The first would be a standard counter-retort, and an argument that would probably just escalate into the ridiculsphere, where insults no longer make any sense. Of course you could end up with the second way, when your assailant's Mum is actually dead... Chances are that will not end well.

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  • I'm Ugly Toy
  • From York, N Yorkshire, United Kingdom
  • I'm not that interesting, I just write here
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