I'm going to Hell

As fun as Download Festival is every year, it's always great to get home. I enjoy camping quite a bit, but at a festival it's not quite the same. You don't have as much room, you don't have ready access to your car (it's a 50 minute walk away), the toilets are always far away and they stink. And if you want a shower you have to wait hours for it.

The camping is something to be endured, not enjoyed. No one enjoys camping at a festival. The only good thing about camping is... hang on... I'll think of something... It's doesn't take as long to get into the arena the next day! Ha! I knew I could think of some reason! Now for 5 reasons why I'm glad to be home:

1. My living quarters are no longer a tent
2. There is a supermarket just down the road
3. I don't have to walk everywhere
4. I can have a shower/wash whenever I want
5. I have immediate access to a toilet

For days my bathroom has been a pack of wet wipes, my kitchen a camping stove and a bag of various cans (all the labels got ripped off the first night), my toilet the camp fence (or a 10 minute walk to an indescribable hell) and my changing room an oven temperature tent. Waking up every morning with a hangover really didn't help.

Needless to say I'm glad to be back, despite the sun and boozing. After an hour long shower where my skin changed colour 4 times I felt refreshed and clean, hungry and a little sad. Sure the camping experience is just a small step from being a refugee, but refugees don't have a bunch of awesome bands to rock out to everyday. Although nor do they have to pay for the privilege.

Labels: crap, downloadfestival, drinking, hangover, home, horror, music, suckage, sun

I'm off to the Download Festival again this year. I'm leaving in about 30mins actually. The Wench's brother (let's call him Bitch for now) is already there, with his tent set up and waiting for us. This year Bitch supplied the tent, a £100 10-man mansion, for just 4 people: Me, the Wench, Bitch and his band mate Spider (not his real name, but he is a drummer).

I'm currently waiting to leave, I've got half an hour. the last 3 days have been the slowest of my life! I've been looking forward to the music I've got to listen to, alcohol to drink, fields to pass out in and all the rest. Here's who I'm looking forward to seeing:

1. Wolfmother
2. Korn
3. Iron Maiden
4. Marilyn Manson
5. Linkin Park

Of course they're not the only bands there I'll see. I'll also watch Mastodon, Megadeth, Slayer, Lamb of God and many other wholesome and family friendly bands. Last year was a great festival, hot, sunny, lots of friends, good music and women giving away free Snickers Ice Creams. I hope this year lives up to it. Even though the music isn't as good, and the weather is likely to be cloudy and not as many people I know are going, I'm sure I'll struggle through.

What am I talking about? It's going to be awesome, or off the hook as the kids say nowadays. I've got 4 litres of vodka for me and the Wench to get through, and a whole lot more which should add to the weekend as well. The Red Bull X-Fighters are there this year as well, hopefully brightening my day with some comedy crashes as they've stolen the only piece of shade in the entire arena. If I blister in the sun the least you could do is fall of your bike midway through a Superman Backflip to make me feel better.

Labels: downloadfestival, drinking, friends, fun, holiday, music, sun, UK, wench

I hate government or military speak. It's the kind of talking where the speaker could say what they wanted to much simpler, but decides to throw in a bunch of big and possibly made up words. This makes the speaker feel big and clever, and the ordinary person listening think he's a giant cock. Generally I see people who use words like this as condescending fucktards.

I don't do this that much as I often run out of big fancy words and end up repeating myself, saying the wrong word or just making up my own words, like George Bush (but on a good day, with a slow autocue that's spelt phonetically). A few examples of words like these are below:

1. Irregardless
2. Pejorative
3. Obfuscate
4. Egregious
5. Behooves

I am aware that irregardless isn't actually a word, but it is used rather a lot considering. In fact irregardless is exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about. It's a word that is nonsensical sorry, I mean, makes no sense, but people still use it to try and sound clever, they probably heard someone say it on TV. Or just tried to make a smaller word larger to sound more impressive.

To be honest I've only ever really heard these words from TV. Like speeches on the news, or in films where a drill instructor is trying to be intelligent, or an officer is talking to his grunts. I first heard behooves in Tigerland, and then on the news in Iraq. It's not capacious, and it's not sagacious, and you won't cogitate that I'm more perspicacious than I really am because I used a thesaurus.

Labels: assholes, crap, grammar, stupidity, TV