I'm going to Hell

Lots of video games get film adaptations, as they already have their basic audience built in. But wouldn't it be great if instead of making a film based on the game, they took one of the characters from the game, and put them into a completely different film.

This was kind of the question asked over at Something Awful, and here are what I think are the Top 5 results:

1. Sonic the Hedgehog - Lord of the Rings - By Astantiri
2. Blanka (Street Fighter II) - Grosse Pointe Blanka - By frumpsnake
3. Mario - The Island of Dr. Mario - By kuddles3
4. Dhalsim (Street Fighter II) - Dhalsim's Creek - By bewilderbeest
5. Guybrush Threepwood (Monkey Island Games) - Pirates of the Caribbean: LeChuck's Revenge - By Supernorn

I could just imagine Sonic being the ring bearer, it'd be a real short film though. Blanka as a hired killer and Mario as an evil scientist are also brilliant. Dhalsim would just creep out the target audience of a teenage drama, but Guybrush Threepwood... there's a star in the making!

Tags: Something Awful, Films, Sonic, Mario, Guybrush Threepwood

There are times in everyone's lives when they embarrass themselves through no fault of their own. One of those times is when you're having a really good night out with friends, you've had a few drinks, you go to a club you wouldn't normally like, you have a few more drinks, your dancing with your friends, you find yourself singing to a great song, then suddenly you notice everyone's stopped dancing and are just starring at you. Then as you slowly stop moving they say, "How the hell do you know this song?"

Here's my Top 5 songs I wish I didn't know most of the words to:

1. Backstreets Back - Backstreet Boys
2. Bye Bye Bye - *NSYNC
3. A few Britney Spears songs - "Hit me one more time" and "Toxic" spring to mind
4. A few S Club 7 songs - Mainly "Reach" and "Don't stop movin'", what can I say Rachel Stevens is hot, and I didn't mention any of her songs either...
5. Anything by 5ive - I own the Greatest Hits

Sadly in my younger university days I succumbed to the urge to buy 5ive's Greatest Hits. 5ive were the best boy band ever (kill me now), and their album was on sale, so I bought it just because. Ever since it's one of those albums that has come back to haunt me. I always get disgusted comments when my friends find it tucked away in my Metallica, Slipknot and System of a Down CDs. So What? Everyone's a little gay.

Tags: Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, 5ive, Rachel Stevens, Gayness

Life is full of unreasonable requests. It starts when you're kids and your parents keep having a go at you, telling you to do stuff. Then you 'have' to go to school, to get an education, because you 'have' to get a job. Everyone asks you to do stuff all the time, it's annoying!

Here's my Top 5 most unreasonable requests.

1. Go to School
2. Get a Job
3. Stop Smoking
4. Keep your Baby
5. Put the seat down

That is THE worst thing. "Put the toilet seat down!". No! You put the seat up! Why do women get to be the good guys in this situation and men are automatically labelled as total retarded bastards if they don't put the seat down? I have to put the seat up in order to piss, why can't you put it down to piss? In fact, how about you put the toilet seat up? Otherwise I'll just piss all over it, then you'll have to clean it off before you can use it. Ha, I win.

At my job I have to do things to a specific plan, arranged in advance with the client by someone else, so I don't have to deal with them, and we can get things done on time.

Two weeks later the deadline is approaching, everything is going well, we've been asking the client every day if there is anything they want to change, with no reply. Then suddenly, from out of nowhere,possibly minutes before the site is finished, we will receive an email or phone call and the client will then say:

1. "I was thinking about changing..."
2. "Could we possibly do this differently..."
3. "I have a list of changes I'd like to go over..."
4. "Where is the [insert something they never wanted before], I was sure we requested it."
5. "Why isn't the site ready yet? We were told it would be ready on..."

The last one inevitably comes after the first four. When the deadline has had to be moved, projects rearranged, staff reallocated and overtime spent working. Yes your site is late, you arrogant little turd, and it's all your fault. Your short-sightedness, stupidity and failure to review the site whenever we asked you to and your huge list of irrelevant and bizarre changes, mainly brought about because of your pretentious and power hungry attitude, trying to appear like you know what your doing in order to demand your over-inflated salary, has put us so far behind that if we were charging you for it, it would cost you double. And the fact that your trying to dump the blame on me will not get your site done any faster. I may even go so far as to come round to your house, set fire to your dog, skullfuck your children, castrate you with a pair of rusty hedgetrimmers, then fuck you with a sideways broom, before letting my 6'2" gay black friend with questionable taste in men have his way with you in front of your family. I won't do anything to your wife, I'm not an animal.

Clients, Anger, Frustration, Work

You may have noticed an obscene amount of merchandise around for pretty much every major cartoon character, or product. One of the worst perpetrators of this is Nintendo, whether they know about it or not. Mario is perhaps the most recognisable face in the world, possibly only second to Mickey Mouse or Homer Simpson. So companies plaster him across anything in order to get it to sell.

Here's my Top 5 examples of Nintendo merchandise, if they are real or not:

1. Sweets
2. Baked Goods
3. A truly Awful Movie
4. Antivirus Software
5. 'Bedroom' outfits

That's right, Mario and Daisy dress up sex costumes. Who would buy something like that? How could it be sexy? "Oh yeah Mario, I love your moustache, slide down my pipe" "Oh Princess, time for my reward after rescuing you from that evil Bowser" "Take me Mario! Eat that mushroom so you grow bigger" "I keep hitting my head on these question mark blocks..." "Ride me like Yoshi!". Actually, I'm getting turned on...

Tags: Nintendo, Mario, Merchandise, Kinky

I've noticed that in a few of my posts that I've put a few rather negative comments about my girlfriend and this may have given a bad impression. I love my girlfriend, we've been together nearly 7 years *thud* ... sorry, things just went a bit black and hazy there for a minute, I may have passed out.

So in order to redeem myself a bit and make myself feel better (and possibly get some of that No. 3 action), here is my Top 5:

1. She's Hot (Well I think so anyway!)
2. She talks alot, especially to other people, which means I don't have to
3. She gives great head
4. She plays videogames with me (even more now I've given her my old DS)
5. We're engaged! (Which technically makes her not my girlfriend anymore)

We did get engaged last year, and have set a date for our wedding (in 2008, plenty of time). In the meantime there's lots of planning to do, constant demands on my body for various things, and our regular routine of getting slaughtered every Friday and Saturday with friends. It's a long hard slog, I tell you, the sacrifices I have to make to keep her happy...

Tags: Girlfriend, Engagement, Great Head