Top 5 Reasons To Hate David Caruso
Oh, David Caruso, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways. It's been a long relationship, for many seasons of CSI:Miami I didn't realise what you were doing. It didn't occur to me to actually pay attention to you. I was blinded by the greatness of the Vegas series, and eventually the New York incarnation.
I can remember the exact moment it happened. It was like a switch being flicked in my head. I thought to myself: "You're SHIT!!". The next thing I know I recognised every cheesy line, every time you moved your glasses, your hero complex, and finally the fact that you're ONLY A CSI. You're not in SWAT, you shouldn't clear a house on your own, or lead in a team of heavily armed and armoured policemen into a criminal's home. You should be sitting outside, with the other CSIs, waiting for the scene to be cleared. You're a twat, and it's time people knew.
1. Now watch this video...
2. ...and again...
3. ...and again...
4. ...and again...
5. ...and again!!!
Does that not just grate on every nerve? Does his smug, ginger face not make you want to go to work on him with a blowtorch, cordless drill and 10Kg bag of salt? His acting is like a toddler pretending to cry. He even uses his 'acting voice' like small children in school plays, who think they have to show that they're acting. If you could see my hatred for David Caruso, it would drive you insane, like seeing all of existence in a single blink.
By now you should all understand. After watching that video there is not a person alive who should still be on his side. Even Jim Carey realises it! That's right. If your not with us, your against us, and you will be dealt with in exactly the same way that he will be. Once we're done with him, we can go after Jerry Bruckheimer. Some of his films really get on my tits.
I can remember the exact moment it happened. It was like a switch being flicked in my head. I thought to myself: "You're SHIT!!". The next thing I know I recognised every cheesy line, every time you moved your glasses, your hero complex, and finally the fact that you're ONLY A CSI. You're not in SWAT, you shouldn't clear a house on your own, or lead in a team of heavily armed and armoured policemen into a criminal's home. You should be sitting outside, with the other CSIs, waiting for the scene to be cleared. You're a twat, and it's time people knew.
1. Now watch this video...
2. ...and again...
3. ...and again...
4. ...and again...
5. ...and again!!!
Does that not just grate on every nerve? Does his smug, ginger face not make you want to go to work on him with a blowtorch, cordless drill and 10Kg bag of salt? His acting is like a toddler pretending to cry. He even uses his 'acting voice' like small children in school plays, who think they have to show that they're acting. If you could see my hatred for David Caruso, it would drive you insane, like seeing all of existence in a single blink.
By now you should all understand. After watching that video there is not a person alive who should still be on his side. Even Jim Carey realises it! That's right. If your not with us, your against us, and you will be dealt with in exactly the same way that he will be. Once we're done with him, we can go after Jerry Bruckheimer. Some of his films really get on my tits.
well said,,,applause...I'm with you
Posted by Unknown | 9:27 pm
I already didn't like CSI, but CSI Miami with Caruso was like poison to me.
Posted by acw | 6:01 pm
that was great! i despise him as well...with every fibre of my being!!
and now after seeing that u tube video... or should i say, after recovering from it;i think i'm still a bit ill.... but ugh. why did they even keep him on the show? good lord. you'd think they'd have killed him off after the first couple of shows. blah.
but very funny post!
Posted by SOUL | 2:46 am
Oh that was totally brilliant!
The only reason I tune in to CSI: Miami is to watch the Horatio buttoners in the opening scene.
He is ginger-vitis and wooden acting at it's worst, but he is almost an art form!!
Posted by the Domestic Minx | 1:36 am
The first video was hilarious, but I couldn't watch more than 5 of his corny one-liners. Caruso has been the bane of my existence since he was on NYPD Blue. I've never heard such a bad actor on television. What a twat!
Posted by mojotek | 5:01 pm
Wow, looks like I've brought us all together with our hatred of a total tool! I'm glad you all share my feelings and that I'm not alone in my mission to see Caruso die in a horribly painful and drawn out fashion.
Posted by Ugly Toy | 8:52 am
you forgot to mention his three-quarter profile and jacket acting. I HATE THIS MAN!!!
Posted by bunkie | 2:18 am
YES!!! the three-quarter profile while the cocks his stupid neck and uses that absurd acting voice. Then he'll shift to his opposite profile and finish the line. The fact that he's still on tv should be the lead story on the evening news of every major network. That's how incredible it is! Thanks for letting me vent.
Posted by Unknown | 5:43 am
Love the article... Great stuff!
David Caruso's only good acting was as "Kit Kat" in Hudson Hawk. Personally, any role that does not require David to speak, is an excellent role for him.
As time moves on, he will be thought of in the same genre as William Shatner.
Posted by The Samurai | 7:55 pm
How I understand you...! It´s umbeareble...! He should simply not be aloud to appear on TV let alone acting...!
Posted by Unknown | 5:03 am
I AM NOT ALONE! my god the patronising lines the sunglass moves and the matronly condescending hands on hips AAAAGH! I CAN NO LONGER STAND IT! has there ever been any other actor less worthy of a spot in our homes? i have to remove a layer of smarmy slime off my t.v. screen after every episode i just keep watching in the hope that one of the coactors will finally snap and stick his sunglasses up his arse (i am not usually the kind of person who feels this kind of blind rage i blamed the script writers for a while but strongly believe he hero adlibs!!!)and yes he plays the same character in every film he's ruined too!.recently there was an all new hate session i had ignored the show for months, i could only vent at the poor telly for so long,when the previews for the death of horatio came on ....my god the wave of relief the joy was unexpressable! those utter sods i was forced to sit through it only to realise that it was a ploy!!!thinking about it now that episode probably had the highest rating of all the series combined he was probably sitting in his undeserved ginger mansion rubbing his girly freckled palms together not realising that the only reason was we want him gone ,gone ,gone! not that we would miss his sorry arse
Posted by Unknown | 4:13 pm
haha, your post describes exactly what i've been shouting to the tv many times over when CSI:Miami is on and i cant find the remote.
David Caruso, just die already.
Posted by Unknown | 8:09 pm
I used to be a fan of CSI Miami - that is until I reached the age of reason and couldn't put up with David Caruso anymore. I hate his acting with a passion. I truly believe that he went to the William Shatner School For Over Actors and is a card carrying member of The Screen Over-Actors Guild of America. Oh, how I wish they would kill him off of the show so I could return to watching CSI Miami.
Posted by Doogie | 3:56 am
im with you guys i cant stand him even the sound of his voice makes me want to punch something
Posted by Anonymous | 6:29 am
You know, he was so much more likable in the first season of NYPD Blue (1993). I liked him so much in that series, that I tried an episode of CSI Miami (a show I had never watched, for some reason) and couldn't believe the horrible transformation. Okay, so he was no longer young and cute, that's true...but I mean, he was no longer LIKABLE...at ALL! What's with the overly squinty eyes? Awful! Nothing he says seems "real" or "believable!" He should have stuck with NYPD Blue!
Posted by MsQuestion | 8:41 pm