I'm going to Hell: Things that make you a Chav

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Top 5 Things that make you a Chav

For those of you without the benefits of living of the UK (Free health service, beautiful weather) I will explain exactly what comes with them, the disadvantages. In this case Chavs. Chavs are officially the lowest form of life on earth, they are the trailer trash of the UK, and proud of it. Here are a few pointers when trying to spot a Chav, if they have 2 or more of these characteristics, they're a Chav:

1. Sportswear - Most Chavs wear a lot of sportswear, mainly tracksuits (tucked into their socks, black socks are the worst), polo shirts, baseball caps, hoodies, trainers (Nike Shoxx preferably) and stuff like that. All their clothes appear to be designer, but are probably rip-offs. Popular Chav brands include: Nike, addidas, Reebok, Kappa, Ellesse, Von Dutch, Burberry.
2. Jewelry - Chavs like bling, and pretending to have lots of money. They wear massive gold chains, bad replica watches, sovereign rings and MASSIVE hoop earrings, all normally purchased from Argos. The bigger and more ridiculous the jewelry, the bigger the Chav.
3. Music - Male Chavs favour Rap, while females prefer R&B, but both sexes like dance music, but it must be mindless and repetitive, such as House, Trance, Drum & Bass or something similar. The faster and louder the better, all the better to cook their tiny minds with.
4. Cars - Chavs MUST purchase a car as soon as they are old enough (driving license and insurance optional). This means it will be old and shit as they have very little money. They solve this by modding their cars, first come alloys, then a terrible bodykit, the more deformed the car looks the better. Then a bigger exhaust, a beer keg cut in half is normally too small. Finally a large sound system, so that the bass can shatter nearby windows while playing their favourite Trance track at full volume.
5. Accent/Speech - Chavs can't speak, they can't write either. They say things like 'innit', 'know what I mean' or try and impersonate a black accent, like the famous radio DJ and wigga Tim Westwood. They normally have a terrible accent like Scouse or Cockney.

There are a few other hints which can help you identify a Chav, but if they have 2 or more of the above characteristics, your pretty much guaranteed that they are a Chav. Famous Chavs include: Jordan, David & Victoria Beckham, Melanie C (Spice Girls) and Mike Skinner (The Streets).

10:04 am | Permalink

oi u im n irish chav.....n ive gt mor den 2 f em bu lik wotz wrng wiv dat??!!we ent al skint n our designers ent fake!unles u get de chavz dat jus cnt afford em bu derez bareli ny f em....n ppl cant help t f dere skint!!!al de teenagerz dat ent messd wiv r chavz n dere nuthin wrng wiv t!evry1 s lik t!jus cuz we lik 2 wear REAL designer clothes n listen 2 gdgd music(dat evry1 listenz 2!)dat makez us bd?!?!?most f us ent a bit skint....n al mi bling en gt n argos i gettem n a prpa gdgd jewelerz n bt'z!n jus cuz we protect rselvz n dnt let ppl annoy us hw duz dat make us bd ppl?!!?we mite bait ppl wen dere annoyin us bu dat jus meenz we dnt get ppl pissin us ff eva!bu u get dat dntcha!?!?!cuz u let ppl mess wiv u!!!!go getta life n a fkin bakbone!n stop goin round slaggin ppl ff 4 hu dey z!dis r personaliti!get usd f t!we ent havin a go @ u cuz u cnt afford 2 go buy sum nice designer clothez n a car wit prpa speakers @ a prpa age...evry1 wntz 2 drive wen dey z old enuf we gorra get around n dat way wen dnt avta get r mumz n dadz 2 do t 4 us!jus cuz u a lil nerd dat cnt defend urself n hast get ur mummy 2 drive u around wen u old enuf 2 drive!!!!n lik 2 wear de big rockz n nice bling ur goin @ us???!!!getta life ya lil nerd!!!!!

Posted by Anonymous | 4:34 pm

postd bi xXxgracey-bbzxXx

Posted by Anonymous | 4:35 pm

yo im not a chav but i wear designer clothes and listen to D&B and dance music, not speed garage and house or anythin. just cos ppl wear designer clothes it dont mean there a chav, it means they care about wot they look like and dont mind spending a bit of money on it. just cos every1 isnt like the owner of this website who has no money cos he sits at home all day make shitty sites like this 1. i wear a chain now and again when im goin somewhere other than hangin round my with my friends its not too big for me or anythin, its the right size. chav actually means Council Housing And Violence. i come under about 3 of thos catogories and iv never lived in a council house and im never violent, if some1 starts on me im not gonna touch them unless they touch me first. i have a car and it is kinda crap (VW polo) its not done up 1 bit, the reason for this is cos its sht and theres no point. every1s first car is sht unless ur some rich freshman

Posted by Anonymous | 5:26 pm

oioi jus thort i wud say that ppl wud say i was a chav but i deant think i am, aniwa wat i reeli wanted 2 say was that im canny gd at english like n i can speak it well if i choose to i like wearin trakkas n me lacoste trainers wit ma hoodies cos theyre comfy, i hav a sovereign ring cos me grandma giv iz it lol n i like lisnin 2 gd music n all but jus so ya nah hardly ani chavs in newcastle like drum n bass its more the hippies lol pendulum r wkd tho. if sum fucka gives me or me pals shit we sort it out but we dnt go round causin shit n yeh we get pissd n take drugs n that but we dnt involve ne1 else n oh yeah i agree bwt the cars most ov em r shit but hav ya looked at the prices ov cars recently??? so ii u got chavs all wrong, i used 2 thnk the same as u n now i cum unda most ov them categories but its a loada shit anihoo l8azz xx

Posted by Anonymous | 1:19 am

oh ii n u 4got to add new monkey 2 the music list lol

Posted by Anonymous | 1:20 am

hiaa x im not a chav or townie or ewt but im just meh i do like big hoopy earings nd gold nd dat but i aint a chav nd i dnt got out against them ither.i do if they are cocky nd say shit to you but that aint all of dem.mosta da people i know wear trakies nd tht but thy aint chavs nd i do ang rwnd wif sum chavs but thts dem nd you carnt judge sum1 for wat thy wear nd ow dey speak.i think da scouse acent is top nd i want it but thats your thoughts of peoples yall dont know nd y judge thy no point ne how cyaz xxxxxxx repli plz xxxx luff yz xxxx

Posted by Anonymous | 5:18 pm

Ok... I'm a rocker. A big beefy rocker. I ride motorbikes, wear leather, and have long hair.

And guess what chavs and chevettes? I can even write in real English!

Though i'm sure if you'd paid more attention at school (innit) you'd know how to write correctly, instead of just sayin 'naw man, it's right innit, i'll just gerra job wiv me dad yo' (because your dad would actually hire someone as bone idle , illiterate and moronic as you?) It actually means get yourself or your girlfriend pregnant at 15, so you don't have to sit your GCSE's anyway, and get to have benefits!! Woohoo!

Oh and don't forget to name your baby after your favourite pop artist at them time (nothing worse than a white girl called Ashanti..) or even the latest sports car that came out. Mercedes! Ferrari! Skoda!

I have no problem with people wearin Nike, or Adidas, or Kappa, or whatever. Hell wear hoop earing if you want, wear fake gold, wear whatever the feck you want.
It's the attitude that gets me. As a rocker, i've fought guys like you lot constantly. And the day or the week after, you come along with 10 of your mates and think to have another go. You lost, get over it, no need for that type of retaliation. Whatever happened to honour? Maybe if you weren't so pissed off of 3 litres of White Lightening you wouldn't have made that stupid comment in the first place, and when you threw your first punch, didn't end up on your ass with my foot flattening your head.

Think next time.

Posted by Anon | 12:14 am

This comment has been removed by the author.

Posted by lili | 6:39 pm

omdaiizz yh.. peepz call me a chav lyk n i fink i ent...bt still i ent bovad coz lyk chavs r kl.. its der way f style man... emos parrently slit der rists.. dey ent bein dissd.. so chav shldnt b dissd man.. dey wear trakkas bcoz dey r cumfy.. n bling bcoz dey fink it lks nyc.. n rap n R&B r propa safe...
so yh i fink chavs r safe as well..
xx

Posted by lili | 6:42 pm

lol, this is too funny.

Posted by ZedEmPee | 3:02 am

I can understand RnB and Hip Hop but whats all this about chavs likeing Drum n Bass. It really upsets me... it sounds like they have raped my favoright part of the dance/Rave scene. I listen to Drum n Bass but i do not consider myself a chav. I listen to Jungle,Drum n Bass n Hardcore. I wear Cargo/Phat pants (baggy trousers) Jungle/Urban camoflarge Hoodies and have deep thoughts and oppinions on life. I consider myself to be a Junglist Raver. and trust me they are not chavs.

Posted by raveakidd | 4:49 pm

No Addfence Bahht
There ant Nufiin Wrong With Chavz Okaii
Im A Chav If You Gonahh Diss Us Its Like Dissin Black People innit
Like So Basically Yhoo Are Kinda Beiin Racist
So Dont Take Tha Mic
We Wear These Clothes B'
Coz They Are Confy Okaii and b'Coz They Look Nicee At Least WE aint Like Goths Black N Emos Whos Chuck their Lifee Away Wats Tha Point Like init
Dont Go Taking Tha Mic
Yhoo Dont KNo Wha ITs Like To Be Us Okaii
Police Moan Abou us they need to look at tha gangsters who stab people 4 no reason instead of comeing onto us :@
I Loveee beeing me got a problem then dont judge init x

heyahh chavz !!!

Posted by _x_leo_baybee15_x_ | 11:35 pm

How does all that mean your a chav, alot of people like rap, alot of people like decent clothes rather than wearing cheap asda shirts that are like 2 quid, getting a car is first thing a lot of teens wanna do coz cars are useful, not chavvy, hoodies keep you warm, basball caps protect you from the sun, polo shirts are nice to go out in, and whats wrong with jewellery, if it looks decent, then wear it

Posted by BarmyKidd2k11 | 2:20 pm

Devvo init

Posted by Unknown | 8:19 am

big up big up.
Leonie here yo dheads syin we r chavs
so wht if i wnna were me pjs wiv me trainers so wht if i wnna put nw alloys on me car G

If i wanna tke drugs and spk a certain way. huw cares???

am going to the job senter nw 2 gt me DOLE & go gt a new rng frm argos

& WOT

Posted by annom | 3:27 pm