I'm going to Hell

If you've ever played an RPG you must have noticed the ridiculous names given to pretty much every weapon. A sword can't just be a sword, it must be a Blinding Sword of Justice, or an Ice Sword of Supreme Uberness. My favourite was a Grand Club of the Badger. It adds to the illusion of the world your playing in, but sometimes it's just stupid.

Here's a few weapon names I'd like to see:

1. The Darth Maul of Untimely Demise
2. The MC Hammer of Badness
3. The Millennium Falchion of Awesome
4. R Kelly's Statutory Rapier
5. The Britney Spear of Disappointment

I've had some serious writer's block over the last few weeks. I was on holiday for two weeks, but it's been a whole month since I've posted, to the day. On top of which I actually missed Talk Like A Pirate Day yesterday, now that was disappointing. Once again I have to say that I'm gonna get back to posting. They may not be good, or long, or regular, but there should at least be more of them.

Labels: holiday, laziness, weapons

I give the Wench a lot of shit on this blog, mostly in my whiny way where I whine and sound all whiny. Then whine. But she's been really good to me recently, and when I say recently I mean since I've known her. Although she has put in real effort in the last few weeks as I've been working late a lot and not exactly jumping with energy when I've gotten home. She picks me up from the station already, but now she's got a smile on her face.

Basically I don't think I give her enough praise (not that she gives me any), but I complain a lot as well, as I just demonstrated. Anyway, here's 5 reasons why she's awesome:

1. She always talks to anyone.
2. She's always up for getting wasted.
3. She's watched more of my porn than I have.
4. She's just as lazy as I am, which means she can't bug me about being lazy.
5. She's Hot.

I think the first point is very important. The Wench talks, she talks a lot, to anyone who will listen. And most of the time they do want to listen. When I first met her family all I got asked was 'How do you put up with her?', to which I just shrugged my shoulders and smiled, as I don't talk. At all. It seems a bit of a weird combination, but it kind of works. An example of why this is great comes from last week, where we went for a night out in Loughborough. There's now a smoking ban in the UK, which means if you smoke you have to do it outside of bars and clubs. We went for a fag and immediately made friends with the group standing next to us, and ended up exchanging high fives with them for the rest of the night (The Wench is on a mission to bring back the high five). This may seem insignificant as we were all drunk, but she can do this ANYWHERE. It's like a mutant superpower, she can just get anyone to like her and start talking. I used to get worried going out with her to a pub as she'd spend ages going to the bar or toilet as she'd immediately make 3 new friends on the way.

The last point The Wench will undoubtedly disagree with me on, but as a shallow male I have to say it's rather an important point. She is hot, and I feel I should tell everyone, her included, that she is hot. And that I like to do her, all the time, as much as possible.

Labels: cigarettes, drinking, friends, fun, laziness, UK, wench

I have been sehr, sehr busy at work these last couple of weeks (months?). We've been working on a new web site which is absolutely massive. It's the biggest site our company has ever had to produce and we've had about 3 months to do it. We're pretty much into testing and back end stuff right now, but it's debatable whether or not we're going to hit our August deadline.

I was going to say that my post rate is going to increase and hopefully I'll get back to where I was posting a few times a week, but it's doubtful that'll happen for at least another few more weeks. In the meantime this is what's keeping me busy:

1. The new site project
2. Laziness
3. Commuting
4. Maintaining all our websites
5. Trying to relax while at home

The most annoying thing at the moment is that combining my commute and my commitments at home, and spending time with the Wench means I have very little time to myself. Everyone needs some alone time and I don't really get any to myself. I'm a gamer who doesn't game, a film nerd who can't watch films and apparently a blogger, despite my recent absence.

But it hasn't all been bad news. I recently got a promotion, meaning I can start to dig myself out of our numerous debts, and possibly get a decent car. We've also finally gotten our Sky+ (this is like a British version of TIVO), which will help with my film nerd dreams as I now get to record whatever I want to watch, so I don't have to watch crap like Holby City, Property Ladder, or the soul sapping, migraine inducing, bowel relaxing, intelligence lowering, horror laden, retard infested abomination that is Big Brother.

Labels: commuting, films, laziness, Sky+, TV, UK, work

Must post something! It's getting towards the end of the week and I've been really busy. Work is finally become pretty demanding, so I'm trying to find time to come up with a post every now and then.

I'm not a Grammar Nazi. Most of the time I capitalize the wrong words, my punctuation needs a lot of work (what's a colon?), my spelling has deteriorated since spell check arrived. However I still get OCD about certain things. I hate redundancy. Here's my Top 5 redundant phrases:

1. Twelve noon
2. Advance warning
3. Cash money
4. Free gift
5. Exact same

There are a lot more redundant things in speech that annoy me. Like PIN number, or ATM machine. The word is in the abbreviation, it's not a personal identification number number is it? I think this stems from my laziness. I'm all about efficiency. If something is extra effort then I don't bother with it and it annoys me that other people wouldn't take the easier option.

This may sound petty, and it is, but I like making things easier for people. Automation is your friend, simplicity is your fuck buddy. I'd rather spend 15 minutes creating something to make a job easier than just jumping into something that's going to be long and hard. On the other hand I'm also a pretty big hypocrite, but I guess that's all part of being lazy as well.

Labels: grammar, laziness, stupidity, work