I'm going to Hell

I've traveled a little in my life, not enough that I'd call myself 'well traveled', but more than the average person. In the course of my travels I've often been mistaken for different nationalities. This is mainly because I'm in that particular country and people just assume I'm from there. It's not that big a deal when the people don't speak the same language as you, as you can't really notice accents unless you speak their language really well, so generally you just shrug, smile and speak louder and slower.

So the times I've been mistaken for being a different nationality, people have guessed that I'm:

1. American
2. Canadian
3. German
4. Irish
5. Australian

The first two were in random countries, with the locals assuming I was from Canada or the US as I spoke English. The third I was actually in Germany and someone started speaking to me in German. Luckily I actually know a little German, so I got him to speak for me (sorry, that was a bad Dad pun). I do actually know some German though so I didn't have to resort to the usual obnoxious foreigner routine.

The final options cropped up while I was taking my year out before going to university. I was working in Canada at the time, in a gas station. I'd just served some random Canadian dude and he looked at me strangely and said 'I like your accent, you Irish?'. I could probably have excused this, but as my accent sounds about as similar to Irish as it does to a seven year old Russian I couldn't help but say 'No, I'm English'. The man shrugged and replied 'Ah well, same thing'. Now in case you don't know, Ireland and England are entirely different countries, sure we talk English, but so does South Africa, it doesn't make us the same. So to demonstrate my point I dangled in front him: 'I guess if your American it sounds pretty similar'. 'I'm Canadian', came the proud reply. As Captain Canuck totally feel for the setup I swooped in with my reply, 'Ah well, same thing'.

Sometimes it's fun being an obnoxious foreigner.

Labels: Canada, stupidity, tourists, UK, work

I have been sehr, sehr busy at work these last couple of weeks (months?). We've been working on a new web site which is absolutely massive. It's the biggest site our company has ever had to produce and we've had about 3 months to do it. We're pretty much into testing and back end stuff right now, but it's debatable whether or not we're going to hit our August deadline.

I was going to say that my post rate is going to increase and hopefully I'll get back to where I was posting a few times a week, but it's doubtful that'll happen for at least another few more weeks. In the meantime this is what's keeping me busy:

1. The new site project
2. Laziness
3. Commuting
4. Maintaining all our websites
5. Trying to relax while at home

The most annoying thing at the moment is that combining my commute and my commitments at home, and spending time with the Wench means I have very little time to myself. Everyone needs some alone time and I don't really get any to myself. I'm a gamer who doesn't game, a film nerd who can't watch films and apparently a blogger, despite my recent absence.

But it hasn't all been bad news. I recently got a promotion, meaning I can start to dig myself out of our numerous debts, and possibly get a decent car. We've also finally gotten our Sky+ (this is like a British version of TIVO), which will help with my film nerd dreams as I now get to record whatever I want to watch, so I don't have to watch crap like Holby City, Property Ladder, or the soul sapping, migraine inducing, bowel relaxing, intelligence lowering, horror laden, retard infested abomination that is Big Brother.

Labels: commuting, films, laziness, Sky+, TV, UK, work

Must post something! It's getting towards the end of the week and I've been really busy. Work is finally become pretty demanding, so I'm trying to find time to come up with a post every now and then.

I'm not a Grammar Nazi. Most of the time I capitalize the wrong words, my punctuation needs a lot of work (what's a colon?), my spelling has deteriorated since spell check arrived. However I still get OCD about certain things. I hate redundancy. Here's my Top 5 redundant phrases:

1. Twelve noon
2. Advance warning
3. Cash money
4. Free gift
5. Exact same

There are a lot more redundant things in speech that annoy me. Like PIN number, or ATM machine. The word is in the abbreviation, it's not a personal identification number number is it? I think this stems from my laziness. I'm all about efficiency. If something is extra effort then I don't bother with it and it annoys me that other people wouldn't take the easier option.

This may sound petty, and it is, but I like making things easier for people. Automation is your friend, simplicity is your fuck buddy. I'd rather spend 15 minutes creating something to make a job easier than just jumping into something that's going to be long and hard. On the other hand I'm also a pretty big hypocrite, but I guess that's all part of being lazy as well.

Labels: grammar, laziness, stupidity, work

I've never had that much of a problem paying my rent. I know it's a common complaint amongst students and the like, but I was lucky enough to get help in that department. While I was at university my parents covered my rent for me for the first two years while I was in halls. My third year I was working 'in the industry', and the in the final year I was supposed to have saved enough money to pay it myself. Since then I've been working and it's not really been a problem.

So from my experience, and that of some of my less fortunate friends, here's my Top 5 ways to pay your rent:

1. Don't
2. Perform 'favours' for your landlord
3. Sell your computer
4. Get the Devil to pay it by challenging him to an elaborate Rock Off
5. Direct Debit

That's right, No.1 was 'Don't'. While this may seem like a stupid suggestion you'd be surprised how often this works. A mate of mine got away with nearly 8 months rent simply by not paying. Of course you need a landlord who is either stupid, lazy or threatened enough by you he is afraid to bring it up.

I've also had mates perform 'favours' in exchange for a months rent. Most of these 'favours' were in the form of 'work', where my friend would have to 'service' the landlord's 'equipment' using various 'skills' he had 'picked up' during his time at university. I don't know why I put all those quote marks in there, it was perfectly innocent. He just sorted out computer stuff for her every know and then. Oh yeah, and they were boning.

Labels: bills, devil, friends, work

Being knackered at work is a pretty big problem for quite a few people. Recently I've been having trouble as I don't have work that is that interesting, so I have to try and keep myself awake. Normal people just drink coffee, but if I did that I'd be sick all over my desk, because I'd rather grate my nut sack than drink coffee. Generally I don't have hot drinks at all.

Luckily my workplace is rather lax. Not quite slumped over my desk with my head on my arms relaxed, but I've got pretty much free reign over what I do during the work day, as long as my work gets done. I've since come up with these ideas:

1. Listen to music
2. Watch some TV
3. Drink something cold
4. Try and find some more interesting work
5. Don't eat carbohydrates at lunch

Occasionally during the day I'll take breaks to watch crap on YouTube, or just on TV. I listen to music while I'm working, Pandora is excellent for this. Every now and then I'll request some more work, or pick up some of the jobs floating around to give myself a change of pace and topic. Something to prevent my brain slowly shutting down until I'm typing gibberish with my eyes closed.

The main reason I fall asleep is my sandwiches at lunch. Who would've though that a simple ham sandwich could be a threat to my job? Basically the sandwiches give me a carb crash so sudden and massive the Sandman himself would stand back in awe and watch a true master at work. Bizarrely enough I started this post hours ago, I have been fighting off sleep ever since so I haven't been able to finish it until now.

Labels: music, sleep, suckage, TV, work