I'm going to Hell

I absolutely hate spam, it once was the bane of my life, but since I've learned to mostly ignore my emails and except Hotmails crap junk mail filtering. It still amazes me how many people really believe these things, like the ones which tell you to send it to 20 people then you'll "see something cool", or you'll "have good luck forever and ever" or the classic "your wish will come true!". Even my girlfriend, who I have educated in the various styles of Spam, still forwards the shit to me "just in case". Just in case what? The cat really will die? The petition really will get sent to the Australian Government? I don't think so, that email is AT LEAST 4 years old, and you've already signed it twice!

Here are my Top 5 Internet Scam Emails:

1. The GI Joe Email - An email was circled of a US Soldier, apparently being held hostage by his own gun. After it had been reported on the news it turned out it was just a GI Joe doll.
2. Boycott the Petrol Companies - I've had a few of these emails, always for one particular day, even though you'd just fill up the next day. I'm sure the companies felt the pinch.
3. Bill Gates will give you money - I am constantly pissed off with this email, as I am repeatedly sent it. Bill Gates will not give you money, neither will I. I may injure you though, if I get another.
4. Dihydrogen monoxide kills - This email went round, pointing people to a website campaining against dihydrogen monoxide, or water as it's more commonly known.
5. Bonsai Kittens - I remember getting this email and finding it hilarious. Kittens raised in Mason jars to be miniature weirdly shaped cats, brilliant! Apparently someone actually took this seriously and the FBI got involved, along with a few animal rights nutters. Some people just have no sense of humour, or intelligence.

I'd love a Bonsai Kitten! It'd be so cute limping and dragging it's deformed body around my kitchen, mewing pitifully. Maybe I could give it some dihydrogen monoxide to put it out of it's misery...