Top 5 'I'm sweating' Similies
Nobody likes sweating. I hate sweating, which is unfortunate, because it happens quite a lot. Then you get nervous that everyone can see it through your shirt, so you sweat more... It's got a lot better recently, mainly because it was winter, so lots of clothes were required and I was safe, but even more recently I've been doing excercise, meaning that as I'm now fitter, I don't sweat as much.But during my sweaty past, mainly in order to point out the fact it's hot and I'm sweating before anyone else does, I used to declare my sweatiness using an amusing similie, thus relieving any tension in the room that may arise from me talking about my less than tasteful bodily functions. Here's my Top 5 categories, with a few examples of each:
1. Classic: '...like a fat girl in a turtle-neck' or '...like a prostitute in church'
2. Rape: '...like a cornered virgin' or '...like a rapist'
3. Paedophilia: '...like a paedophile in a playground' or '...like R. Kelly at the kid's choice awards!' or '...like a priest at a Cub Scout meeting' or '...like Gary Glitter's lawyer!'
4. Racist: '...like a nigger trying to read' or '...like a muslim wearing a backpack on a London subway'
5. Imaginative: '...like a blind lesbian in a fishmongers' or '...like the pope in a porn studio' or '...like a dyslexic on countdown' or '...like a gerbil in a gay bar'
More often than not you'd get a laugh, or a strange look. Either way you've cleared the air (figuratively speaking, of course) and you no longer have to worry about being spotted, meaning you automatically cool down and stop sweating so much. If your lucky other people will agree with you about the heat, and reveal to you their sweat levels as well, creating a happy and relaxed atmosphere for all involved.
Of course if your in a sauna or something then it's a given that your sweating and no funny comments are required. Bear this in mind, or you'll just look stupid.
Tags: Humour, Sweating, Similies
