I'm going to Hell

I found something stupid the other day. This is the guide for the Top 50 mistakes men make when having sex. It honestly reads like it's been written by a 13 year old girl, or Disney. If you HAVE to have sex, for God's sake make sure you do it right, or don't do it at all!

Luckily at the bottom I also found this, in the form of a retort. This is a proper guide for women, and the best I've ever read. It should be taught in schools! Here's my Top 5 mistakes mentioned in it:

1. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.
2. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?
3. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.
4. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.
5. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

The picture on the side is of the wonderful angel-who-has-become-my-new-stalker-obsession who wrote this article. Luckily for me the Wench is aware of most of these mistakes, although I'll still be showing her the list to further point out where she's been going wrong. I can't go wrong, I've only been wrong once, and that was where I thought I was wrong, but I was really right.