I'm going to Hell

Secret Santa always seems like a bit of a cop out, but if your short on pennies, ideas or even friends, it's a good way of joining in with the Christmas fun.

At my office we decided to set a limit of £5, and as none of us are particularly swimming in cash this seemed fair enough. Here's my Top 5 suggestions for a present:

1. A Gift Certificate - The ultimate in thoughtlessness, unless it's from a woman and is redeemable for hot loving.
2. A pint - One drink? For a fiver? How cheap are you?
3. A rubber band gun - Office warfare here we come.
4. A USB Missile Launcher - For the cubicle commando who has everything else.
5. A Lapdance.

In the end I got a radio controlled car, I don't expect it to last long, but I'm sure I can have some fun with it. I got my victim presentee(?) a small slingshot, complete with soft foam balls to fire at the receptionist. If he fires any of them at me, I'll just wire some home made explosives to my radio controlled car and drive it under his swiveling chair, like a mini suicide bomber. It'll be just like America taking down Iraq after supplying them with weapons. Don't bite the hand that feeds...