I'm going to Hell

I tend to talk a lot of rubbish, mumble and just generally make myself look like a fool. I would say this is because I'm shy, but I tend to do this even with people I know. Sometimes your mind just elopes with another beautiful mind it's fancied for ages and gets married, meanwhile your mouth carries on talking unsupervised.

A few of my most memorable moments are listed below:

1. Thinking a girl was a boy - I've never made the mistake of thinking a fat girl was pregnant though *phew*
2. 'That would be the breast' when talking to a girl with a large chest, and she noticed
3. 'We should really get some cock' in earshot of a small child
4. Telling a friend 'I love you' when hanging up
5. Calling a teacher Mum

The third one is not as bad as it seems. I was actually talking to my girlfriend (who from this day forth shall be referred to as my Fluff, as I can't be arsed to type girlfriend anymore) about Coke. She started calling Coke cock which has gradually permeated into our everyday speech, much to the dismay of the small child's parents.

Calling my teacher Mum is one of the most embarrassing things I've ever done. I turned so red so fast the other children sustained permanent eye damage, and shortly before I passed out due the volume of blood in my face I just managed to rip my tongue out of my mouth and stick it to the wall with a pencil for betraying me.