I'm going to Hell

Going to the toilet is a pain. If I had one wish it would be that I never had to use a toilet again. But that'd be one of those wishes that would backfire horribly and I'd end up crying urine, sweating shit or something equally gross.

When your done you wash your hands and then dry them, unless your one of the scum that walks out without drying, or even worse, not wiping. Drying can take a while, depending on what's around. Here's my Top 5 ways to dry your hands:

1. Use Paper Towels
2. Use a blow dryer
3. Dip them in lava
4. Use the bathroom attendants beard
5. Use the breasts of a penthouse centrefold

Being the awesome pimp that I am I have a different topless model follow me around to use as my personal towel, and with the moisturiser they use it takes a lot of rubbing to be properly dry. It takes a lot longer than using paper towels, but I do get less looks than that time I tried to use lava, then tried to put out the fire with the bathroom attendants beard.

Tags: Hand Drying, Penthouse, Beards, Lava