I'm going to Hell

Farting is one of the things that guys have to do. It's rare that women will let one rip, but I don't mind when they do, unless theirs is worse than a blokes, in which case I will be incredibly hypocritical and mercilessly ridicule her.

I have cut the cheese at some really inappropriate times, and some just plain unfortunate times. Below are my Top 5 places you should never release an ass burp:

1. In an elevator - inclosed spaces kill
2. At a funeral - As disrespectful as it gets
3. In the shower - bizarrely this amplifies the smell beyond all reason
4. While receiving head - A guaranteed way to never get any again
5. A combination of the above

I think the ultimate would be floating an air biscuit in the shower while getting blown by your girlfriend. I think you would be praying for her to succumb to the fumes, before she realises what you've done and starts grinding her teeth and retching in disgust. Although if you could somehow manage to be in an elevator, at a funeral, in a shower getting sucked off, you could be excused for farting just for being in such an unlikely situation. An elevator with a shower? That's how I'm going to make my fortune right there.